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The Scorpion King (Widescreen Collector's Edition) Customer Reviews (1 - 3 of 42 Reviews)

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
Don't get me wrong, I was really anticipating this movie's release back in the spring of 2002, but boy, was i disappointed. I was expecting something along the lines of The Mummy Returns, but what I got was literally the worst movie ever made. The plot (if it even exhists) seems like it was written by a drunk 7-year-old who just escaped from the loony bin.

I'v seen a lot of really bad movies, but none have surpassed this in shear stupidity. Those made-for-TV movies on the SciFi chanel are at least fun. This isn't.

Anyone in their right mind would do well to stear clear of this donkey fecies. If you do end up watching it, just remember to keep a good ol' propane tank handy. You might want to down it halfway through.

Even The Rock couldn't save this piece of crap!
I really enjoyed The Mummy, and The Mummy Returns. They represented a style of horror / comedy / action / thriller that is very much to my taste (and the taste of lots of other movie-ticket buyers...). I was rather pleased to hear that they were making a spin-off movie going into more detail about the Scorpion King, because there aren't enough good films in this genre. Well, there still aren't...this is not a good film.
The Scorpion King was an interesting character in The Mummy Returns, but he only got a few minutes of screen time, and I don't recall him saying anything - his primary asset (the occasional muscle, or two) was on display, and all he really needed to do was to strike a few poses, a skill he brought with him from his day job as a pro wrestler. Now he is expected to carry the movie.
I was a bit concerned. After all, he's a pro wrestler. Could he be expected to perform on a movie stage, where all the fights are carefully scripted and choreographed? Would he understand that this was fake fighting, so very different from what he was used to? (Still, they did give him furniture to fight with, even if it wasn't a metal folding chair). Could he act hurt when struck by a stuntman? Could he act pain? (Can I string this sarcasm out any further?)
Actually, the biggest flaws in this movie don't relate to The Rock. He does everything he's supposed to, and delivers his lines rather well - better than Arnold Schwarzenegger did in his first few movies, that's for sure. So what's the problem? Well, the script is dreadful, and the central bad guy is utterly unconvincing. If we compare this movie to Conan the Barbarian (Arnie's first big movie, and quite comparable to this one) we note that Arnie's enemy was Thulsa Doom, played with sinister gusto by James Earl Jones. The Rock is playing opposite Steven Brand as Memnon - they'd have done better to use Michael Clarke Duncan (who plays Balthazar, leader of the Nubians). Steven Brand is not a bad actor, but he is hardly a figure to strike terror into the heart at first sight - such an actor would work in this role if the script built him up enough, but it doesn't. And that's my biggest criticism - this script is clichéd and boring. That's not what I expected, given that Stephen Sommers shares the writing credits, and he was responsible for the Mummy movies.



Bond in Bronze

This film is a lot of fun, but you have to be ready to leave your knowledge of antiquity and literature (and maybe physics) at the door. This film is essentially a remake of "Live and Let Die."

If you're down with that, you can enjoy this film. If not, you may have some trouble.

Dwane Johnson is fun to watch, and does the action star job-- he delivers his lines, fights, suffers, and grimaces passing well-- much more watchably than Roger Moore did in this film's source material. Kelly Hu does her job beautifully, too: she is utterly gorgeous, shows a delightful amount of skin, does the whole stoic spooky chick number, and pays off tons of cinematic karma from her "Jason Goes to Manhattan" days. Stephen Brand is utterly forgettable, but then you would need to have cast MCDuncan as Memnon (who was black, after all... ) to match him up correctly with his predecessor Yaphet Kotto.

It's a fun film. Don't expect greatness; just have a good time.

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