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ParasiteRating:
Release Date: 23 April, 2002 Retail Price: $9.98 Sorry, this product is not currently available. Cast: Complete Cast (6 total) |
Parasite Reviews
"I'm telling you, it's getting so a fella can't get away from the G*****n sickies no more."
Last night I had the horrible misfortune to see the 1982 snoozer PARASITE starring the husky voiced Demi Moore versus a slimy otter-sized worm thing that's running around her small desert town occasionally biting people. Imagine how exciting this story could have been...now replace all the exciting parts with boring parts and you still have a story better than the one presented here.
Let the misery end with me, I've thrown myself to the mercy of the bad movie gods (and lost) so please don't let my sacrifice be in vain - stay away from this movie.
D: Charles Band (THE CREEPS, THE ALCHEMIST)
Dr. Paul Dean - Robert Glaudini (CUTTING CLASS, THE ALCHEMIST)
Patricia Welles - Demi Moore (BLAME IT ON RIO, STRIPTEASE)
Ricus - Luca Bercovici (FRIGHTMARE, SCANNER COP)
I got a beast in my belly...pass the Pepto-Bismol...
I knew I was in trouble last night shortly after the credits began rolling for the film Parasite (1982) as the name Charles Band came up, not only as producer, but also as the director. If you're not familiar with the name, know that he's the man behind such cinematic atrocities like Laserblast (1978), The Day Time Ended (1980), Robot Holocaust (1986), and Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1989)...that's not to say every one of his cinematic ventures stink on ice, as when you churn out as many crummy films as he does, you're bound to get lucky once in awhile...but that's not the case here. Starring in the film is Robert `Who?' Glaudini (Wavelength, The Alchemist) and a young Demi `It's pronounced dem-EE, you fool' Moore (St. Elmo's Fire, One Crazy Summer, G.I. Jane), in her first starring role (his first role was in a 1981 made for TV feature titled Choices). Also appearing is Luca Bercovici (Rockula, Scanner Cop), Al Fann (Curse II: The Bite), one time member of the jailbait girl band The Runaways turned actress Cherie Currie (Foxes, Twilight Zone: The Movie), Tom Villard (One Crazy Summer, Heartbreak Ridge), Miss Vivian Blaine (Guys and Dolls), James Davidson (The Mechanic), and B movie favorite Cheryl `Rainbeaux' Smith (Caged Heat, Revenge of the Cheerleaders, Vice Squad), in a minor, but certainly revealing role...
After a really awkward opening sequence, one that, I think, tried to set up how a scientist named Paul Dean (Glaudini) accidentally infected himself with a parasitic organism and escaped from a secure facility, we see him driving around in a van, stopping at an abandoned work camp, encountered some violent, mutated types. He manages to fight them off (in a slow motion fight sequence) and then leave, making me wonder what the hell was the point of the past ten minutes of footage...now is probably a good time to mention the story is supposed to take place after some sort of apocalyptic, nuclear event, and atomic fallout has ravaged the major cities. Anyway, Dean boogies on down the road and eventually arrives at a small town, rents a room in a flophouse run by an old woman named Maggie (Blaine), who informs Dean that, while she doesn't clean up the rooms, she would participate in helping to mess them up, if you know what I mean...file this under `things that make you go blecch'. All right, so here's the deal...Dean created these parasitic organisms for some mysterious corporation/gooberment agency (Why? Who knows? It's never explained), realized the dangers, destroyed the all the creatures but two, one of which is in a silver container he has with him, and the other actually inside his belly. Now he's trying desperately to figure out how to kill them before it's too late, as the more they eat, the bigger they get, and then the hungrier they become...some local punks, led by a dink named Ricus (Bercovici), cause trouble and steal the container housing the specimen, which they let loose upon opening (they thought valuable goodies be inside)...Paul finds refuge with the local goodie goodie named Patricia (Moore) who helps him for no good reason, but may regret her assistance as Paul is being pursued by a ruthless corporate agent named Wolf, who drives a sweet, black Lamborghini Countach (complete with flip up doors), carries a wicked laser wand, and is intent on recovery what was stolen, no matter the cost...
Was Parasite, touted as "The First Futuristic Monster Movie in 3-D", the beginning of the short lived 3-D fad of the early 80s, one that brought us such craptastic features like Jaws 3-D (1983), Friday the 13th Part 3: 3D (1982), Amityville 3-D (1983), and Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)? Most likely...actually, the film did pretty well, costing well under half a million and raking in around seven million, probably mostly due to the novelty of the stereoscopic aspect (it sure wasn't the stellar story or amazing performances that drew audiences). Sadly, that element didn't carry over onto the DVD release, so what we're left with are a lot of scenes where things are flying towards the camera for no apparent reason. The story is fairly haphazard, and limps along hobbled by unnecessary plot points, like the bit about those populating the story are the remnants of post apocalyptic event. The only good reason I could discern for the inclusion of this was it being a way to explain why there are so few actual people in the film, which, in reality, was probably due to a limited budget. Ultimately it could have been left out (along with a number of other things), and the story would have been just as good (good, in this case meaning rotten). I'm unsure what prompted those involved to cast Robert Glaudini as the lead, as he was hardly hero material, feeling like secondary character at best here, one who would be killed off well before the movie ended. Overall the acting is pretty crummy, but this is more due to deficiencies within the script rather than poor performers, in my opinion. In one scene where Patricia rescues Dean, she's trying to get him to talk, but he's tight lipped, and she issues the following bit of nonsense..."You don't talk much. Maybe a little rattlesnake tea will loosen your tongue a little." Who in the world talks like that? It's not an overly awkward bit of dialogue, but just enough to create a niggling sense of annoyance of having to listen to it...and the film is littered with clunky stuff like this...and get this, the movie had three, count `em, three writers. I did like the make-up effects featured on the people eventually consumed by the parasite, as it was somewhat gruesome, but the parasites themselves, created by Stan Winston, looked odd, like slimy, wriggling, pulsating ten-pound sacks of mud with huge mouths and lots of razor sharp teeth. We actually don't see a whole lot of them, but when we do, the sequences are memorable and even gory. I think my favorite bit happened after the gang of youths stole the container Dean was keep the specimen in, thinking it stored something of value, and the one punk opens it up to see what's inside. Now, any normal person would have probably dumped the contents out on the floor, but this genius sticks his hand inside the darkness of the container and sez "There's something wet in here." As you can imagine, he gets what he deserves...all in all I think this could have been a better feature, had it not been hamstrung with such poor writing, which is a lot more noticeable sans the 3-D effects of the original release.
Anchor Bay Entertainment provides a decent wide screen (the aspect ratio is listed as 2.00:1 on the DVD case), enhanced for 16X9 TVs, picture on this DVD, but since the film was originally presented in 3-D, there's a noticeable grainy quality through while watching the movie in regular old 2-D, which bothered me a little at first, until I got used to it...as far as the audio, there's two options one being Dolby Surround 5.1 and Dolby Digital 2.0. Special features include a theatrical trailer, touting the movie's amazing stereoscopic process, along with interesting liner notes by Fangoria writer Michael Gingold, and a 5X7 reproduction of original poster art, both contained on a DVD insert.
Cookieman108
By the way, if you're interested in buying this DVD, I'd suggest doing what I did and buying the Anchor Bay DVD Fright Pack: Man's Worst Friends, which features six films including Parasite (1982), Lucio Fulci's The Black Cat (1989), Slugs: The Movie (1988), Bruno Mattei's Rats: Night of Terror (1984), Zoltan, Hound of Dracula (1978), and Dario Argento's The Cat o' Nine Tails (1971). It's available here on the Amazon website, at a really good price, cheaper than buying the individual releases.
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